I've been doing my best to help bear other peoples' burdens while carrying my own, and since mine aren't nearly as visible it's easy for me to say, "Yeah it's alright for you to dump off your stuff right here I'll help you carry it."
However it's getting to the point where outwardly, I'm doing a really great balancing act, but my mind is a torrent of begrudging thoughts and bad attitudes towards individuals and situations. So I'm doing all this service for others, but since I catch myself not being thrilled with the opportunity I feel like it isn't doing any good.
It is important to help people because you want to. That is what charity is all about. It's about selflessly lifting others, and I am working so hard to get to that point. But it's been really hard for me to get there because I'm being bogged down with the notion that unless I cheerfully smile, put my entire avalanche of stress on pause, and daintily assist some fallen soul and gracefully pick up my problems in the same motion then I might as well have just ignored them for all the good it does.
This is wrong! Essentially I'm mentally running a marathon and at the end of the day I say to myself. "Well all those miles I ran don't really count because I wasn't running my hardest and enjoying the view at the same time." . . . I know very few people who are capable of doing that.
So what I am going to try to do is accept my human weakness, pray for charity, and help where I can. When those thoughts and feelings seep through I'm going to give myself credit for what I am able to accomplish and slowly gratitude will replace grudging. Selflessness doesn't come after one service project. Sacrifice doesn't make it's demands only once. In our lifetimes we will be called upon to make selfless sacrifices, and it will be difficult each time. That is where Grace comes in and makes up for the difference. I know that through Christ we can each overcome our personal weaknesses if we will work hard, and trust him.
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